We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to know where we are in life, to have answers, to see a clear path and walk on it. Society holds that expectation over us. If you’re an adult, it’s pretty much a given that you’re supposed to be in control of your life, right? You’re supposed to know who you are and where you’re going.

But what if you don’t?

Veterans who come home from war often don’t know who they are now or where they’re going.
Society gives you a few months to get on with it. After that, if you’re still uncertain, they start labeling you.

This added pressure and judgement only slathers on another layer of misunderstanding.  Let me tell you this: there’s nothing wrong with you if you need more time to figure things out.

There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t know.

Give yourself permission to “not know” the path, the answers, who you are now or want to be. It’s hard to do – hard to let go of our need to appear to be in control – but if you take that pressure off yourself and intentionally give yourself permission to not know, you open yourself up to new possibilities. You allow yourself to be who you are right now, today.  Accepting that you “don’t know” gives your spirit space to open to a “new knowing.”

So let go. Push away from the shore. Set sail in this unfamiliar sea and trust that in your blindness now, you will eventually behold your destination.

“One doesn’t discover new lands, without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.” – Andre Gide.

Consent. And trust. A new shore awaits.

3 thoughts on “When You Don’t Have Answers

  1. Thank you for reaching out and for sharing your story. For so many combat veterans, no one ever tells them that the hardest fight comes after war, not in it. And it affects the whole family, not just the warrior. Your son is blessed to have you. I will email you privately.

  2. Thank you for this site and writings. I have been watching my son, a Purple Heart Decorated Marine with 1/6th B Co., suffer every day since he has been medically retired last year, 2012. He suffers not just from his physical injuries sustained at war in Afghanistan, but from the mental war in his mind every day. His battle to “fit in” and “survive” and his battle to feel “normal”. I tell him, he IS normal…it’s the rest of us that are insane, lol there is no “normal” we have to make one for ourselves each day with every experience. As life changes, our sense of normal adjusts too…so who can say what is “normal”? Normalcy is based on consistency and for warriors life after war, is FAR from consistent. He suffers from severe PTSD, TBI, Depression, Anxiety and Adjustment Disorder. He no longer can feel happiness or joy even with the best of things…this is very troubling for him and as a parent and partial caregiver for him, I feel helpless. For 6 years he has been told what to do, how to do it, how NOT to do it and the last thing he wants now is for ME to do anything that keeps him from feeling like he has control now. He struggles, for control of his life, his surroundings, relationships and his MIND. Everything is a struggle for him. When I found this sight, it gave me a better sense of how deep his struggles are and how truly brave he is to wake up and face them everyday! I thank you ALL for sharing your experiences and for your sacrifices in earning them.

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