I burst into unexpected tears standing in the dry soil of my flower garden, watering the wilting zinnias. Afghanistan has fallen and suddenly all the sacrifice, all the pain, all the fight of the last two decades has been called into question. What was it all for? I thought about a young sergeant, gaunt and … Continue reading Afghanistan falls. What was it all for?
What if our experiences are meaningful, but our emotions are not? What if the things we did made a difference to a nation? What if our lives can be joyous even though our days are not? What if the things we feel are not as real as the things we achieved? What if the brothers … Continue reading What If?
You Are Holy Power (read this if you’re about to give up)
I come to this place more times than not, words stuck tight in my throat. There is so much felt, deeply, and I trip and stumble over words that might possibly express what's in my heart. For you. Words fail. You wait, faces upturned, eyes on me, hearts hungry for the offering that will satiate, … Continue reading You Are Holy Power (read this if you’re about to give up)
Warriors: The Hidden Reason You May Not Feel Like Having Sex
Not having much libido or having issues with sex is actually pretty normal for combat veterans. There's many reasons why. Meds, relationship stresses and tensions, exhausted bodies and adrenal glands -- all potential causes. But there's one that you may not have considered and it's an important one. Because it not only impacts your sex … Continue reading Warriors: The Hidden Reason You May Not Feel Like Having Sex
Warriors: We Have Earned the Rest of Our Lives
By Joe DeCree To All My Brothers and Sister Warriors, I have been reading the traffic on this blog for a couple of years and it has helped me immensely in my own journey back to light. The recent post “When You Can’t Be a Warrior Anymore…Is There a Reason to Go On?” hits such … Continue reading Warriors: We Have Earned the Rest of Our Lives
This is Not the Night You Die.
This is not the night you die. This is the night you let the belief that you cannot change die. These struggles feel so solid. So permanent. They are made of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings can be changed. Your entire being, your spirit, your mind, your beliefs are designed to change, to grow, … Continue reading This is Not the Night You Die.
I Love You Still
The words do not pour forth; they catch in my breasts, clutch at my throat, refuse to be told. I can’t write of finding your body, your warm blood melting the cold snow, the fixed gaze of your eyes forever staring into darkness. That same darkness I was not able to save you from. I … Continue reading I Love You Still
When You Can’t Be a Warrior Anymore…Is There a Reason to Go On?
It's that hollow numbness, the sense that you are already dead, the complete lack of desire to go on, the craving to be gone, to be done here. The feeling that you are nothing more than an empty husk blown about by gusts of wind. There’s nothing left of you. You're not who you used … Continue reading When You Can’t Be a Warrior Anymore…Is There a Reason to Go On?
When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
I just spoke to a friend, another veteran, and my heart bleeds for the guy. He is a Vietnam era vet. He put almost 30 years in the Marine corps starting in 1966. He went on to work for three lettered government agencies. His story is impressive, but not uncommon. His life is the stuff … Continue reading When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
A Reason to Fight On
He led the rebel movement. Rebels? Yes, that's what they were. How unimaginable it would have been just a few years before. When life was normal. Peaceful. Predictable. The invading foreigners were determined to decide the fate of his people. Determined to impose a way of life, their way of life. A life he could … Continue reading A Reason to Fight On
Too Far Gone to Be Saved?
It all adds up. Accumulates. Pain, trauma, losses. Anger, resentment, guilt. Buries You underneath. You watch your Self vanish, become unrecognizable. And wonder if you're too far gone to be saved. Is there such a thing as too far gone to be saved? You're tired and it never seems to get better. Your life is … Continue reading Too Far Gone to Be Saved?
Suicide: Stop Believing the Lie That No One Cares
One of my Soldiers learned today that he lost a soldier to suicide. One of my Marines attended the funeral this week of a brother who went Home early. I'm sure there are many more of you who are dealing with this kind of loss right now. And many of you who are contemplating killing … Continue reading Suicide: Stop Believing the Lie That No One Cares