It's that hollow numbness, the sense that you are already dead, the complete lack of desire to go on, the craving to be gone, to be done here. The feeling that you are nothing more than an empty husk blown about by gusts of wind. There’s nothing left of you. You're not who you used … Continue reading When You Can’t Be a Warrior Anymore…Is There a Reason to Go On?
It sits in you like a cold stone. Immovable. Heavy. Part of you. Combat guilt. Survivor's guilt. Shame. Failure. Self-loathing. Self-hate. That weary surrender to the belief that you deserve to be punished. Because you know you do. You know it as truth in your soul. Good exists for others. You're grateful and happy for … Continue reading Combat Guilt, Forgiveness and Mercy
I just spoke to a friend, another veteran, and my heart bleeds for the guy. He is a Vietnam era vet. He put almost 30 years in the Marine corps starting in 1966. He went on to work for three lettered government agencies. His story is impressive, but not uncommon. His life is the stuff … Continue reading When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
Great Spirit of All That Is, We come together today to honor those whose lifetimes ended in war and by war -- those who left this earth and returned to the Spirit realm. We are grateful for their love and for their lives. We are grateful for the light of their souls and the joy, … Continue reading We Love Them Still
The rain drips off the peak of my cap; Speckles my vision. The marching band plays in G Major, but I hear only minor chords. Old Glory passes by and I make the automatic, but heartfelt, salute. I attend the ball games and barbeques But I am not really there. I want to leave so … Continue reading Memorial Day
The part of you they take with them, that hollowed out spot in your chest, that sting and numbness and dazed acceptance -- it’s still there, still fresh, still real. It is never not a part of you...ever again. We are changed by each death. Even though life is given again in the next lifetime, … Continue reading This Memorial Day…
Why do we need hope? Everything alive hopes. Without it the deer would just do mass suicide every winter. Yet the animals wait for spring knowing that food and warmth follow winter. The very seasons seem to revolve around the hope for life. Hope springs eternal, unless you are a combat vet. Why do we … Continue reading You Need Hope if You’re Going to Make it After Combat
After six years, I've updated this site with a new design, look and feel. The content all remains and you can find all your favorite articles just as before. You'll notice there's a more sensual and intimate feel with the images I've selected. There's a reason for that. The work I do is deeply human … Continue reading Newness
I am angry tonight. Angry at the lack of understanding that returning warriors have faced for millennia and I still must face in the broken hearts of those who have been fighting our goddamn wars for more than 16 years now....and still they come home to blatant insensitivity. Angry that any heart could not stretch … Continue reading 16 Years & They Still Don’t F***ing Get It
Another day another screaming interview with someone who wants to roll back a few rights to increase their perception (sic) of safety. It is tough to hear these opinions isn’t it? Every time I hear one of these people scream about how my rights are killing, hurting, insulting, offending, etc. them it starts a cycle … Continue reading Coping with the News Cycle
"But I love my wife. She's everything to me. I don't want to lose her." "He's not the man I married. I can't do this anymore." I hear these two expressions all the time from good people whose hearts are aching and weary. Brave people who are dealing with intense trauma and changes in each … Continue reading After Combat, When is Love Worth Fighting For?
Do you recall the Nicole Kidman thriller The Others? In it she lives in a haunted house which she does not know to be haunted. Eventually the ma & pa caretakers, also ghosts unbeknownst to Kidman, tell her about the “others” who are the other ghosts in the house threatening her children. And some … Continue reading The Others