What if our experiences are meaningful, but our emotions are not? What if the things we did made a difference to a nation? What if our lives can be joyous even though our days are not? What if the things we feel are not as real as the things we achieved? What if the brothers … Continue reading What If?
You were never there. You never existed. Your war will never be acknowledged or validated. How can you hope to find healing? You live with the reality of your experiences. Your losses. Only those there know. Only those who were there will ever know. Only you will know their names. You can't walk into a … Continue reading Special Forces: How Do You Heal When You Don’t “Exist”?
It sits in you like a cold stone. Immovable. Heavy. Part of you. Combat guilt. Survivor's guilt. Shame. Failure. Self-loathing. Self-hate. That weary surrender to the belief that you deserve to be punished. Because you know you do. You know it as truth in your soul. Good exists for others. You're grateful and happy for … Continue reading Combat Guilt, Forgiveness and Mercy
I just spoke to a friend, another veteran, and my heart bleeds for the guy. He is a Vietnam era vet. He put almost 30 years in the Marine corps starting in 1966. He went on to work for three lettered government agencies. His story is impressive, but not uncommon. His life is the stuff … Continue reading When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
Joe DeCree and I are talking about Memorial Day -- how he handles it and insight on how to move through this sacred time. Joe: Memorial Day: Is there a worse day on the calendar? Gosh, I feel like I want to go to bed all day and hide. Unfortunately, it is inevitable. It comes … Continue reading Combat Vets: On Grief and Getting Through Memorial Day
He led the rebel movement. Rebels? Yes, that's what they were. How unimaginable it would have been just a few years before. When life was normal. Peaceful. Predictable. The invading foreigners were determined to decide the fate of his people. Determined to impose a way of life, their way of life. A life he could … Continue reading A Reason to Fight On
It all adds up. Accumulates. Pain, trauma, losses. Anger, resentment, guilt. Buries You underneath. You watch your Self vanish, become unrecognizable. And wonder if you're too far gone to be saved. Is there such a thing as too far gone to be saved? You're tired and it never seems to get better. Your life is … Continue reading Too Far Gone to Be Saved?
It's that heaviness deep in your chest. That gaping void where part of who you were before is permanently gone. It's the sense of having done things that can never be undone, a burden of being responsible for having taken life and for having lost it. A burden you know is yours to carry. It's … Continue reading When You Feel As If You Don’t Belong
This is the kind of post that takes a shot of whiskey to write. Only, alcohol gives me migraines, so fuck that. We're gonna talk about something that many of you live with and most of you will never be able to find words for... and that's having witnessed or caused the death of children … Continue reading When Children are the Victims of War
First off, let me tell you this: forgiveness is a human issue. Not just a God one. There is ample discussion of forgiveness in religion and many sources to find those discussions. Instead of diving into theological viewpoints, I'm going to bring it all down to one fact: We are all of One Source. One … Continue reading Combat Veterans Ask: Can I Be Forgiven?
Why are you still here? You survived. They didn't. Why? You know it just happened. There was no rhyme or reason. They were with you one moment, gone the next. And you were left alive. You'd take their place in a heartbeat to spare the agony you saw in their loved one's eyes. A hole … Continue reading Survivor’s Guilt