This is not the night you die. This is the night you let the belief that you cannot change die. These struggles feel so solid. So permanent. They are made of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings can be changed. Your entire being, your spirit, your mind, your beliefs are designed to change, to grow, … Continue reading This is Not the Night You Die.
The words do not pour forth; they catch in my breasts, clutch at my throat, refuse to be told. I can’t write of finding your body, your warm blood melting the cold snow, the fixed gaze of your eyes forever staring into darkness. That same darkness I was not able to save you from. I … Continue reading I Love You Still
It's that hollow numbness, the sense that you are already dead, the complete lack of desire to go on, the craving to be gone, to be done here. The feeling that you are nothing more than an empty husk blown about by gusts of wind. There’s nothing left of you. You're not who you used … Continue reading When You Can’t Be a Warrior Anymore…Is There a Reason to Go On?
It sits in you like a cold stone. Immovable. Heavy. Part of you. Combat guilt. Survivor's guilt. Shame. Failure. Self-loathing. Self-hate. That weary surrender to the belief that you deserve to be punished. Because you know you do. You know it as truth in your soul. Good exists for others. You're grateful and happy for … Continue reading Combat Guilt, Forgiveness and Mercy
I just spoke to a friend, another veteran, and my heart bleeds for the guy. He is a Vietnam era vet. He put almost 30 years in the Marine corps starting in 1966. He went on to work for three lettered government agencies. His story is impressive, but not uncommon. His life is the stuff … Continue reading When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
Great Spirit of All That Is, We come together today to honor those whose lifetimes ended in war and by war -- those who left this earth and returned to the Spirit realm. We are grateful for their love and for their lives. We are grateful for the light of their souls and the joy, … Continue reading We Love Them Still
Joe DeCree and I are talking about Memorial Day -- how he handles it and insight on how to move through this sacred time. Joe: Memorial Day: Is there a worse day on the calendar? Gosh, I feel like I want to go to bed all day and hide. Unfortunately, it is inevitable. It comes … Continue reading Combat Vets: On Grief and Getting Through Memorial Day
The rain drips off the peak of my cap; Speckles my vision. The marching band plays in G Major, but I hear only minor chords. Old Glory passes by and I make the automatic, but heartfelt, salute. I attend the ball games and barbeques But I am not really there. I want to leave so … Continue reading Memorial Day
Note: The following is a first-person graphic account of an experience during combat. Please be aware that this story may contain triggers and read at your own discretion. I share this story to honor the warriors who lived it and to bring to light the sacred experiences warriors carry on their hearts. Gene Vance was … Continue reading Your Story | Gene Vance Was a Good Man
The part of you they take with them, that hollowed out spot in your chest, that sting and numbness and dazed acceptance -- it’s still there, still fresh, still real. It is never not a part of you...ever again. We are changed by each death. Even though life is given again in the next lifetime, … Continue reading This Memorial Day…
Note: The following is a first-person graphic account of an experience during combat. Please be aware that this story may contain triggers and read at your own discretion. I share this story to honor the warriors who lived it and to bring to light the sacred experiences warriors carry on their hearts. We were Engineers … Continue reading Your Story | Rise for the Fallen
What you have experienced and witnessed and carry within you is powerful. It's sacred. It's human. It's what you relive every day, every night. What you can't forget and what you don't want to ever forget. It's not just a story, it's part of who you are. It may feel unshareable. And too painful to … Continue reading The power of sharing your story