How do you keep going when the battles are drawn out, each day feels pointless, and you are so, so tired? When the darkness feels never-ending and nothing seems to get better? How do you keep picking yourself up off the ground, and talk yourself out of fear and back into battle? How do you … Continue reading How to Keep Going
How Much Does True Intimacy Matter?
This is an issue many of you, and especially me, are dealing with. I'm going to flat out tell you right now that I'm just beginning to truly understand the importance of true intimacy... I'm a novice at this, guys. Maybe we all are. God knows how many ancient walls guard my heart....or what it … Continue reading How Much Does True Intimacy Matter?
When You Miss War
You miss warfighting. Miss war, miss your team, miss having life and death within your power. Miss the cohesion, the shared misery, the trust. Life was simple, fucking hard, and combat required all of you. Now nothing requires all of you. Warfighting is a spiritual calling, which means that tug on your soul doesn't go away just because … Continue reading When You Miss War
When the Past Feels More Real Than the Present
We spend a lot of time thinking that we need to let go of the past. "Let it go". "Move on." "Leave it behind you." "Try not to think about it." "That's not who you are anymore." These are phrases that are well intentioned and often eventually work for broken hearts, break-ups, job losses, and … Continue reading When the Past Feels More Real Than the Present
Combat PTSD: F***ed Up or Wounded?
Okay, so the words themselves mean the same thing in your mind. Fucked up. Pain. Shit. Issues. Doesn't matter what you call it, right? Who cares? What if how you think of it is keeping you stuck? No, I'm not being "a writer" here and picking on words. On the surface, it doesn't matter how you refer to the … Continue reading Combat PTSD: F***ed Up or Wounded?
PTSD: When No One Believes Your Pain is Real
From the time I was five, I have lived with a body that subjects me to pain. Severe headaches at age five, joint pain that kept me on the sofa at age nine. Then an adolescence of debilitating fatigue, sensitivity to sound and temperatures, allover muscle and joint aches, flu-like symptoms. It would last for weeks, months … Continue reading PTSD: When No One Believes Your Pain is Real
I Came Back from Combat, Why the #@!% Am I So Angry!?!?
You come home from combat angry. Stupid shit sets you off. You lash out at people you care about only to see pain and fear flash through their confused eyes. Sometimes you start fights on purpose. Usually, you just react. A stupid driver makes you snap, before you know it you're in a blind rage. In … Continue reading I Came Back from Combat, Why the #@!% Am I So Angry!?!?
Why the Fall of Iraq Bothers Me
This is a hard post to write. Not because the subject matter is painful, (I'll stare into the darkest pain with you), but because it is so personal to my daily life. Someone asked me why I let the events in Iraq bother me. I'll tell you why. Every day I interact with guys who … Continue reading Why the Fall of Iraq Bothers Me
PTSD, TBI, Sex and Relationships
You came back different. Changed. You can't really describe it, but you're not yourself. Not who you used to be. You're angry. Blow up at stupid shit. Lack other emotions. Feel numb. Tired. Disinterested in stuff that used to be interesting. Tense. Sleepless. Have nightmares that scare the hell out of you. Forget shit. Can't … Continue reading PTSD, TBI, Sex and Relationships
On Fallujah’s Fall: Was it Worth It?
The public hears about Fallujah falling back into terrorists' hands and it's a blip on their stream of distraction. They don't give a shit. You hear it and it puts into question the reason why you continue to pay a high price for Iraq 24 hours a day. Why your life is what it is … Continue reading On Fallujah’s Fall: Was it Worth It?
Dear Veteran, Why We Forget You
We live in a society that has a super short attention span. Maybe it's because we're inundated by a constant stream of headlines that bullet-point and define where our attention goes, and we allow it. The stream becomes white noise; part of the daily mindscape that feeds us distraction. Maybe it's because most people have … Continue reading Dear Veteran, Why We Forget You
If I Heal, Will I Lose My Warfighter Identity?
We don't talk about this often, but there is a very real fear in many of you that says if you heal, you'll lose your identity as a warfighter. Fear that healing will cut the ties you have to who you were, who you are and who you want to be. Along with it, is … Continue reading If I Heal, Will I Lose My Warfighter Identity?