From the time I was five, I have lived with a body that subjects me to pain. Severe headaches at age five, joint pain that kept me on the sofa at age nine. Then an adolescence of debilitating fatigue, sensitivity to sound and temperatures, allover muscle and joint aches, flu-like symptoms. It would last for weeks, months … Continue reading PTSD: When No One Believes Your Pain is Real
I Came Back from Combat, Why the #@!% Am I So Angry!?!?
You come home from combat angry. Stupid shit sets you off. You lash out at people you care about only to see pain and fear flash through their confused eyes. Sometimes you start fights on purpose. Usually, you just react. A stupid driver makes you snap, before you know it you're in a blind rage. In … Continue reading I Came Back from Combat, Why the #@!% Am I So Angry!?!?
When Children are the Victims of War
This is the kind of post that takes a shot of whiskey to write. Only, alcohol gives me migraines, so fuck that. We're gonna talk about something that many of you live with and most of you will never be able to find words for... and that's having witnessed or caused the death of children … Continue reading When Children are the Victims of War
What to Do When You Just Can’t Talk About It
It lines your inside, this presence you've become so familiar with that you're not sure where you end and it begins. It's just... there. Always there. Images. Scents. Sounds. Fear. Memories. Pain. You try to shut it out. It returns. You lock it up inside. It gets out. It wants you to stare into its deceiving eyes. And when you … Continue reading What to Do When You Just Can’t Talk About It
What Death Wants You to Remember
Storytelling is how we make sense of what happens to us. And too often, you come home from war and keep your stories locked up inside. You don't have a safe place to share them, and they often feel too painful to find words for. But stories are what connect us as human beings. Death is … Continue reading What Death Wants You to Remember
The Ache
We hold on and hurt; and we hurt to hold on. Believing that our pain keeps them close. That suffering is the least we can do to honor their loss. That happiness now is sacrilegious. And so, we hurt and live, half-dead. While they gaze at us with loving eyes, unseen. Alive. Longing, aching, to … Continue reading The Ache
How to Fight to Get Your Life Back After War
"I will never be as good at anything as I was at war." "I don't think this pain is ever going to end." "It's been years now. This is just the way it is." "People would be shocked if they knew how dark my thoughts get." "It just fucking hurts. All the time." I hear … Continue reading How to Fight to Get Your Life Back After War
Combat Veterans Ask: Can I Be Forgiven?
First off, let me tell you this: forgiveness is a human issue. Not just a God one. There is ample discussion of forgiveness in religion and many sources to find those discussions. Instead of diving into theological viewpoints, I'm going to bring it all down to one fact: We are all of One Source. One … Continue reading Combat Veterans Ask: Can I Be Forgiven?
PTSD, TBI, Sex and Relationships
You came back different. Changed. You can't really describe it, but you're not yourself. Not who you used to be. You're angry. Blow up at stupid shit. Lack other emotions. Feel numb. Tired. Disinterested in stuff that used to be interesting. Tense. Sleepless. Have nightmares that scare the hell out of you. Forget shit. Can't … Continue reading PTSD, TBI, Sex and Relationships
On Fallujah’s Fall: Was it Worth It?
The public hears about Fallujah falling back into terrorists' hands and it's a blip on their stream of distraction. They don't give a shit. You hear it and it puts into question the reason why you continue to pay a high price for Iraq 24 hours a day. Why your life is what it is … Continue reading On Fallujah’s Fall: Was it Worth It?
Before You Kill Yourself, Read This
You're thinking about it. Ending your life. Stopping the pain. Doing it because you think it's best for those around you. You're tired of your shit being the cause of other people's pain. Tired of fighting demons. Tired of... just tired. If you are in imminent risk of ending your life, please call 911 or the … Continue reading Before You Kill Yourself, Read This
The Spaces In Between
It’s where you are. It’s where I stand. In between. These shadowlands. Iraq. Afghanistan. There. Here. Again. Now. You inhale, your chest tightens, the pain, a dense, black vapor, unseen. I sense it. It senses me. You smile. Nervous. Uncertain. Your eyes trained to harbor sights too deeply human to see. No one knows. No … Continue reading The Spaces In Between