It sits in you like a cold stone. Immovable. Heavy. Part of you. Combat guilt. Survivor's guilt. Shame. Failure. Self-loathing. Self-hate. That weary surrender to the belief that you deserve to be punished. Because you know you do. You know it as truth in your soul. Good exists for others. You're grateful and happy for … Continue reading Combat Guilt, Forgiveness and Mercy
When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
I just spoke to a friend, another veteran, and my heart bleeds for the guy. He is a Vietnam era vet. He put almost 30 years in the Marine corps starting in 1966. He went on to work for three lettered government agencies. His story is impressive, but not uncommon. His life is the stuff … Continue reading When You Don’t Believe Forgiveness Applies to You
We Love Them Still
Great Spirit of All That Is, We come together today to honor those whose lifetimes ended in war and by war -- those who left this earth and returned to the Spirit realm. We are grateful for their love and for their lives. We are grateful for the light of their souls and the joy, … Continue reading We Love Them Still
Combat Vets: On Grief and Getting Through Memorial Day
Joe DeCree and I are talking about Memorial Day -- how he handles it and insight on how to move through this sacred time. Joe: Memorial Day: Is there a worse day on the calendar? Gosh, I feel like I want to go to bed all day and hide. Unfortunately, it is inevitable. It comes … Continue reading Combat Vets: On Grief and Getting Through Memorial Day
Memorial Day
The rain drips off the peak of my cap; Speckles my vision. The marching band plays in G Major, but I hear only minor chords. Old Glory passes by and I make the automatic, but heartfelt, salute. I attend the ball games and barbeques But I am not really there. I want to leave so … Continue reading Memorial Day
Your Story | Gene Vance Was a Good Man
Note: The following is a first-person graphic account of an experience during combat. Please be aware that this story may contain triggers and read at your own discretion. I share this story to honor the warriors who lived it and to bring to light the sacred experiences warriors carry on their hearts. Gene Vance was … Continue reading Your Story | Gene Vance Was a Good Man
This Memorial Day…
The part of you they take with them, that hollowed out spot in your chest, that sting and numbness and dazed acceptance -- it’s still there, still fresh, still real. It is never not a part of you...ever again. We are changed by each death. Even though life is given again in the next lifetime, … Continue reading This Memorial Day…
Your Story | Rise for the Fallen
Note: The following is a first-person graphic account of an experience during combat. Please be aware that this story may contain triggers and read at your own discretion. I share this story to honor the warriors who lived it and to bring to light the sacred experiences warriors carry on their hearts. We were Engineers … Continue reading Your Story | Rise for the Fallen
The power of sharing your story
What you have experienced and witnessed and carry within you is powerful. It's sacred. It's human. It's what you relive every day, every night. What you can't forget and what you don't want to ever forget. It's not just a story, it's part of who you are. It may feel unshareable. And too painful to … Continue reading The power of sharing your story
You Need Hope if You’re Going to Make it After Combat
Why do we need hope? Everything alive hopes. Without it the deer would just do mass suicide every winter. Yet the animals wait for spring knowing that food and warmth follow winter. The very seasons seem to revolve around the hope for life. Hope springs eternal, unless you are a combat vet. Why do we … Continue reading You Need Hope if You’re Going to Make it After Combat
Newness
After six years, I've updated this site with a new design, look and feel. The content all remains and you can find all your favorite articles just as before. You'll notice there's a more sensual and intimate feel with the images I've selected. There's a reason for that. The work I do is deeply human … Continue reading Newness
16 Years & They Still Don’t F***ing Get It
I am angry tonight. Angry at the lack of understanding that returning warriors have faced for millennia and I still must face in the broken hearts of those who have been fighting our goddamn wars for more than 16 years now....and still they come home to blatant insensitivity. Angry that any heart could not stretch … Continue reading 16 Years & They Still Don’t F***ing Get It