We are back but we are not yet home. We are inside the building but it is now unfamiliar. Sand and heat are our familiar now. The smell of cordite, gunpowder, and C4. We sweated in the crippling heat. We fought the camel spiders. We gave candy to the kids. We watched villages burned; some … Continue reading Coming Home
When I was 21, I was bedridden for six months. Stress-induced chronic fatigue, though the specialists at that time didn't know what was wrong with me. They wondered if it was all in my head. I knew it wasn't, but since the age of 9 I had highly trained doctors examine me, test my blood … Continue reading Why You Need a Sense of Self to Heal
"I don't deserve to be here." "I don't deserve to be happy." It comes from deep within, this sense of having violated the sanctity of Life as a warfighter. It's very hard to feel that you are a good soul when you've killed people. Even harder, at times, when you couldn't save people you loved … Continue reading When You Feel Like You Don’t Deserve to Be Happy
You've tried everything you know to do. Meds, therapists who don't get it, PTSD programs, drinking, getting high, staying overly busy. Some of it has helped alleviate the pain; mostly, you just end up putting up with it all. You would give anything if someone would just come along and help you find a way … Continue reading These Questions Could Change Your Life
Sending you the energy of strength and courage today... may you feel held and wanted. You are not your wounds. You are not your limitations. You are not your reaction to war. You are an eternal being experiencing this lifetime. And there is hope and love for you here. If you are in imminent risk … Continue reading What if Suicide Doesn’t End the Pain?
It all adds up. Accumulates. Pain, trauma, losses. Anger, resentment, guilt. Buries You underneath. You watch your Self vanish, become unrecognizable. And wonder if you're too far gone to be saved. Is there such a thing as too far gone to be saved? You're tired and it never seems to get better. Your life is … Continue reading Too Far Gone to Be Saved?
It's a dark, calm night deep in the forest. Tucked away in these woods is a spacious tent -- tall and wide with wards running off in multiple directions. Cots line these wards as warriors sleep under the watchful guard of Light Beings who grace the aisles. In their presence, a deep peace settles as … Continue reading The Tent Where Warriors Dwell
Finding purpose after the military feels almost impossible, doesn't it? It's not that you don't have skills to translate into civilian work. It's the underlying sense of why you are doing it that feels so off. Once you've been responsible for life and death, millions of dollars worth of equipment, or leading others into and through … Continue reading How to Create a Meaningful Life After the Military
A solemn day. As we remember what was taken, what was offered up and sacrificed, what was given freely, what was left on the battlefield, what was brought home. What is still...ongoing. You were born for this day. Men and women called to the brotherhood, called to rise up and respond with violence so the … Continue reading On September 11
Q: What do you believe plays the biggest role in healing? Grace. The warrior's instinct is to fight, to just be stronger, apply more force. Most of the time on the battlefield this is what works. Most of the time at home, this works. Because these struggles are very real battles; they take place now … Continue reading Interview: On Healing, Breaking Isolation, and What It’s Like to Help Veterans
How do you keep going when the battles are drawn out, each day feels pointless, and you are so, so tired? When the darkness feels never-ending and nothing seems to get better? How do you keep picking yourself up off the ground, and talk yourself out of fear and back into battle? How do you … Continue reading How to Keep Going
It's that heaviness deep in your chest. That gaping void where part of who you were before is permanently gone. It's the sense of having done things that can never be undone, a burden of being responsible for having taken life and for having lost it. A burden you know is yours to carry. It's … Continue reading When You Feel As If You Don’t Belong