So much of life after combat is an identity crisis. Yes, there's the emotional, mental and physical pain. The nightmares, rage, insomnia. The grief, the edginess, the isolation. Forced smiles, numbness and lack of connection. But underneath it all, there's something else. There's the questions: why am I still here? Who am I now? Underneath … Continue reading How to Find Your Purpose After Combat
When the Past Feels More Real Than the Present
We spend a lot of time thinking that we need to let go of the past. "Let it go". "Move on." "Leave it behind you." "Try not to think about it." "That's not who you are anymore." These are phrases that are well intentioned and often eventually work for broken hearts, break-ups, job losses, and … Continue reading When the Past Feels More Real Than the Present
Suicide: When a Brother Goes Home Early
It's the day after Valentines. We lost too many men yesterday. Men who stared in the mirror and saw only what they never wanted to become. Men who felt unloved, unseen, and ashamed that too often their pain had spilled over in rage. Men who felt they failed because they couldn't keep their pain from … Continue reading Suicide: When a Brother Goes Home Early
Trust: Why It’s So Hard to Let Others In
I've spent this entire lifetime being the strongest person I know. I know the walls that allow you to reach out, but won't let anyone reach in. I know what it is to trust yourself the most because at the end of the day, you are the one responsible. I know how terrifying it is to even consider being vulnerable … Continue reading Trust: Why It’s So Hard to Let Others In
Combat PTSD: F***ed Up or Wounded?
Okay, so the words themselves mean the same thing in your mind. Fucked up. Pain. Shit. Issues. Doesn't matter what you call it, right? Who cares? What if how you think of it is keeping you stuck? No, I'm not being "a writer" here and picking on words. On the surface, it doesn't matter how you refer to the … Continue reading Combat PTSD: F***ed Up or Wounded?
PTSD: When No One Believes Your Pain is Real
From the time I was five, I have lived with a body that subjects me to pain. Severe headaches at age five, joint pain that kept me on the sofa at age nine. Then an adolescence of debilitating fatigue, sensitivity to sound and temperatures, allover muscle and joint aches, flu-like symptoms. It would last for weeks, months … Continue reading PTSD: When No One Believes Your Pain is Real
I Came Back from Combat, Why the #@!% Am I So Angry!?!?
You come home from combat angry. Stupid shit sets you off. You lash out at people you care about only to see pain and fear flash through their confused eyes. Sometimes you start fights on purpose. Usually, you just react. A stupid driver makes you snap, before you know it you're in a blind rage. In … Continue reading I Came Back from Combat, Why the #@!% Am I So Angry!?!?
When Children are the Victims of War
This is the kind of post that takes a shot of whiskey to write. Only, alcohol gives me migraines, so fuck that. We're gonna talk about something that many of you live with and most of you will never be able to find words for... and that's having witnessed or caused the death of children … Continue reading When Children are the Victims of War
Stop Letting ISIS Control You
The situation with ISIS is beyond infuriating. Their actions are designed to incite rage and blatantly offend the warfighter and the goodness within you. Their presence, however, is not surprising. In the big picture of the world, they are a miniscule force, creating havoc in a place that, for the most part, no one in … Continue reading Stop Letting ISIS Control You
What to Do When You Just Can’t Talk About It
It lines your inside, this presence you've become so familiar with that you're not sure where you end and it begins. It's just... there. Always there. Images. Scents. Sounds. Fear. Memories. Pain. You try to shut it out. It returns. You lock it up inside. It gets out. It wants you to stare into its deceiving eyes. And when you … Continue reading What to Do When You Just Can’t Talk About It
What Death Wants You to Remember
Storytelling is how we make sense of what happens to us. And too often, you come home from war and keep your stories locked up inside. You don't have a safe place to share them, and they often feel too painful to find words for. But stories are what connect us as human beings. Death is … Continue reading What Death Wants You to Remember
Why the Fall of Iraq Bothers Me
This is a hard post to write. Not because the subject matter is painful, (I'll stare into the darkest pain with you), but because it is so personal to my daily life. Someone asked me why I let the events in Iraq bother me. I'll tell you why. Every day I interact with guys who … Continue reading Why the Fall of Iraq Bothers Me